Following the Way since childhood

[WuXian]

wei xue ri yi

In everyday pursuit of learning, something is acquired.

wei dao ri sun.

In everyday pursuit of dao, something is dropped.

I've been a follower of the Way since childhood. I've found my refuge in nature and in the quiet places of the earth.I often seemed foolish to others. I've not called attention to myself and kept to my studies. I have been a librarian in a small town for most of my life, and was a Professor of Philosophy before that. I prefer, as did Laozi, the small town where everything is within reach. I have studied most of my life but found formal Daoism just 3 years ago. I began my studies on my own, reading as many translations of the Daodejing as I could get. My favorite translation is the one by Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English. I also like the one online at sacredtexts.com by akrishi. He tries to keep the translation as close to the original as possible and provides the Chinese text so one can follow his translation. The last thing I'll say on translations is that I've got it on adobe PDF , I am learning how to chant it and on my own how to translation it. Since I was a language major in undergrad, learning a new language is very much fun for me.
I am an initiate of the Way of Perfect Emptiness. I have studied under Master Ni. I also have my own Master who is teaching me first Tibetan Buddhism (Gelug), then more into Daoism. I have studied Bushido and the religions of Japan. I am also studying Martial Arts, right now Blue Cottage Tae Kwan Do. My Master is a 10th Dan and a Soke in his own right. He invented his own systen, Shin Sin Do. I am just a gup working towards my yellow tip . I suffer from multiple sclerosis and a number of other very painful autoimmune diseases. This is not to excuse but to explain. My master says that anyone-even someone like me-can get a black belt. He has given me four years.
Next month I also begin studying Chinese medicine and Medical OiGong from One of his Masters. As one can see, my mind can work hard, it is just getting my body to cooperate. I just lost my doctor, who treated me for EVERYTHING, even pain control. Now I must look for new doctor. All I've talked to say my case is too complicated for them . Only my meditation and my prayer in front of my altar help me from despair over this situation. But I know that I walk steadily on the Way, Dao will bring a doctor to me. Or if not a doctor, them some other form of treating these diseases ,so I continue my Tae Kwan Do and academic studies.
I am a 47 yr old woman/femme living with her partner in the mountains of WV. I've had progressive MS for over 10 years now. I know that I can do this! May you prosper; may you be in good health; may you live forever!

[laotan]

Perhaps you should cease all your studies and start your dialogue with your malady state. It can be your master and teach you something new about you. You must start from yourself.

[laotan]

Perhaps you should cease all your studies and start your dialogue with your malady state. It can be your master and teach you something new about you. You must start for yourself.

You simply start with this answer of the I Ching to my question "what is the reason of your malady state"?

The oracle answered with 42, Increase, with a changing line on the sixth place. The hexagram changes to 3, Difficulty at Starting or perhpas in the state of beginning.

42/6 says:
In the sixth line, undivided, we see one to whose increase none will contribute, while many will seek to assail him. He observes no regular rule in the ordering of his heart. There will be evil.

3 says:
Chun indicates that in the case which it presupposes there will be great progress and success, and the advantage will come from being correct and firm. But any movement in advance should not be lightly undertaken. There will be advantage in appointing feudal princes.

[WuXian]

Thank you, Laotan, for both your suggestion and your i-ching help in my case. I studied the i-ching throw you made carefully. To me it seems to indicate that there will be progress, if I proceed carefully. But I am sure that you are more experienced than I in reading the I-Ching. That is my area of big weakness. Two teachers with conflicting views confuses one. I will think upon your advice to give up my studies and "start with my malady". I have had times when I done nothing BUT spend time with my malady. I am just now getting back into remission after a period of about 3 months of being able to do nothing but lay in bed. I learned during that episode that I am not always mistress of my own body, which I should have already known but keep forgetting. But tell me more about your concept of learning from my malady, please. I would be willing to learn from one more experienced than I. My head and heart are ( I hope ) always open.
Wan an,
WuXian
PS-PLease comment on my experience in the meditation part of the forum.

[laotan]

I have had times when I done nothing BUT spend time with my malady.

Don't spend time with your malady, start with it. Try to learn from it. You are in the phase of trying to cure it but you don't know what it is about , what is its teaching. You may talk with it and ask for advise. Your malady is your master as it tries to teach you a lesson. Start learning this lesson. Try to apply it in your own life by changing what you should to.
The I Ching warns you about your lack of rule when dealing with your heart/mind! Nothing to say about this?

[NonTien]

Hello WuXian -
I can relate somewhat to your walk down life's path - and I believe becoming involved more with Taditional Chinese Medicine is a positive action. I am an Engineer and have been on disability leave for the last 5 years as I was diagnosed with severe Hepatitis C. We believe I picked it up during the Viet Nam War back in the 1960's and it had been dormate, as 30% of Hep C afflictions are Viet Nam Veterans. During the war innoculations were done by air gun injecting and no sterilization was used. Anyway, my ALT and AST counts were up around 200 and the only course of action was 11 months of weekly injections of interferon, simply put - chemotherapy. I was on chemo for the 11 months - during which this time the side effects are so hideous all one can do is lie on your back and wretch in agony. The pain is undescribable. At this time in my life I had already been involved with studing Taoism for over 35 years then and it was the continuation of deeper studies that got me through this period.
I went back for a check up on my liver condition only to find out the virus had come back with a vengence plus I was then diagnosed with cancer. I went through about 15 procedures for the cancer and was then put on another 11 months of chemo for the Hep C. This time I received daily injections instead of weekly. I thought the first time was bad - the second treatment was 10 times worse. After 10 months I became comatose and was forced to stop the chemo. During this time I had gone through a few more cancer operations.
The only reality in my life at this time was brought to mind through Taoism.
2 years ago my wife wanted me to go to Singapore to see a TCM specialist (my wife is from Singapore and her family is still there. They are Chinese and stand very firm in TCM beliefs). He prescribed 10 different herbs, vitimins, extracts, etc. My ALT and AST numbers dropped for the first time. In fact they dropped to around 100 (whereas around 40 is normal). I went through a new laser treatment for the cancer during this time also and so far I am also cancer free. Last year I went back to Singapore to see my brother-in-law's doctor - again a TCM practioner. He prescribed 20 different herbal treatments which are ground up and made into a tea. After a few months, my ALT and AST have dropped to around 55. If I can get my levels down to around 40, I might not have to endure another 11 months of chemotherapy.
Many people say to me "Oh, such terrible luck you have had" or "That sounds like such a terrible time".
I say 'They are not terrible experiences nor are they good experiences - they are just my experiences of life.'

One story that stands out in my studies is about a woman who was having a really bad day. The kids were rumming around uncontrollably, her husband was yelling about needing a shirt for work, the baby was crying uncontrollably, the pot on the stove was boiling over, the phone was ringing off the hook, the dog was barking about something, and one of the kids opened the dor and the cat got out of the house. She ran after the cat and after a few minutes of searching, she was so overwhellmed, she just sat on the stairs in front of the house and started crying. Her neighbor, who was a follower of Taoism was next door watering his lawn. He noticed her and went and sat next to her and asked what was wrong. She went through her 'list' of problems she was having that day and he said to her, "How fortunate you are to have such a full life."

(Just as an aside, if you choose to use the I Ching be advised. The "I Ching: Book of Chinges" by James Legge, copyright 1996 by Random House, ISBN 0-517-14990-7 has a misprint on page xi, the Table of the 64 Hexagrams. Hexagram number 41, sun, is incorrect. It is shown as the same hexagram as number 60, kieh. From the top, it should be solid, broken, broken, broken, solid, solid)

[laotan]

Perhaps the Taoist should better said: "It is just a bad day!" It seems to me more accurate in respect of the example of that woman. The problem arises when the bad day becomes the everyday. When someone suffers from severe unjury that lasts long he/she wouldn't have to say: "This is a full life, I am happy!" At least if he/she is sane (mentally).

[NonTien]

I believe one is happy when not looking for happiness.

[laotan]

Perhaps he is already happy then he doesn't need to serach for happiness.

[NonTien]

Your grasp of the obvious is overwhelming.